Project 365-Day 4

Today hit me hard.

Way hard. I love talking to my husband, don't get me wrong but I love the part of our relationship where we didn't have to talk to each other and we could just be with each other. I feel sorry for him. He missed all birthdays and holidays last year because of work and he is missing them all again. It's unfair to him. It's unfair to every man and woman that miss it because being in the military puts them overseas or on work schedules with ridiculous hours.

I could go on about stuff like this for hours and hours and even days.

It breaks my heart to have him away from me. It is the hardest thing I've ever had to do which really isn't surprising to me. I honestly thought I could make it the first coupe of months without being really upset. I'm used to him being away for several months at a time but this whole 8 hours time difference and no schedule yet thing is killing me. I never know when I get to talk to him or even if I do. I live by the phone or the computer. I hate living that way. I don't like not knowing what is going on with him. It makes me anxious.

On top of that in church today they showed a video of a soldier who had been gone for 6 months and they were interviewing his daughter and she was almost in tears saying that he had missed Valentine's Day and Easter and her brother's birthday and he was about to miss hers and she just felt like her dad had been gone forever. It was  a surprise homecoming video. He was home for his 2 week R&R and she had no idea he was coming home. I was crying so hard. those videos were always hard for me to watch but they got 10x harder when you're husband is in the military and 20x harder when he is deployed.

Setting all that to the side I love him. I will always love him. I am waiting for him. I will always wait for him. No matter how hard it may be. I may cry everyday. There may even be days I don't want to get out of bed. He is my heart and my soul and I will do my best to be whatever he needs me to be.

That leads us to the picture for today. Because the dog and I were having a similar conversation while laying in the hallway. Of course he didn't understand....so I called him a cootie queen.

He still doesn't understand. But he knows Daddy is gone...because he is misbehaving. If I have to pick up one more piece of shredded paper off the floor I might scream.

No.

I will.

I will scream.