Inner Turmoil

I find emotions hard to nail down right now. I mean I can tell you what emotions I'm feeling but I couldn't nail down which one I feel stronger. Like the feeling to be happy for someone or angry at their luck. I am happy for this person but I'm also upset because they are getting what I busted my butt to get just to have it slip away from me all the while they are effortlessly being granted every wish. I'm not comparing my wishes tho their wishes either. Like I want a new car and they want a new dress. No I mean equal wishes. A car for a car. A pair of shoes for a pair of shoes. I think I just got a really freakin lazy fairy godmother. I would ask to trade it in but I see it's pointless now. Is it horrible that I feel that way? ...No because I don't feel that way. I see it that way but my feelings are hurt and they don't want to even accommodate the thought that this is it and it's all I'm ever going to get. So if you read this, don't pray that I get what I want I'm going after that myself, pray that I find an inner peace and happiness that I can pull to the surface and use to be the person I need to be in these situations. 

Because being "fair" is only a skin tone now.

I would say I haven't blogged because I haven't had time. But we all know that would be a lie.

Why is it that when you get stuff put together something comes along and messes it up? I don't really need the question answered. I already know the answer. It's not a question I like answering.

More like it's not the question I mind answering...it's the answer I know is right and I would be more mature to answer it honestly. But being mature and adult like is so...unfair sometimes.

Like when you go on vacation and you either don't have a good time or you have a fabulous time and then when you get home things with work and bills and the house are messed up to the nth power.

Vacation- that was a time I was both looking forward to and at the same time not. Spastic Sarcastic is an appropriate title most of the time. I am very sarcastic and often spastic with my sarcasm. I also am not one to hold my tongue. If I think someone needs to hear something I'm going to be the one to tell them. I've realized over the years that it isn't always the best idea so I've tried harder to hold my tongue. Most of the time it works. Other times I just trick my brain by telling Person B what I would really like to tell Person A and then after I say it all and step back I realize it was better that I didn't say it to Person A in the first place. Although I still think they need to hear it.

Most people don't care about your opinion. Like they say "80% of people don't care about your problems and the other 20% are just glad you have them"

I've noticed these past few months that have of my life mottos are very pessimistic.

"If it wasn't this, it would be something else."
It's fabulous outlook to have on life....don't you think?

For instance, right now I'm wide awake on two hours of sleep after I sat up until 5 in the morning to go to bed with my husband and he is laying in bed sleeping soundly and I've been up for 4 hours watching House!

Don't get me wrong I love House. I would also rather be insomniatic than left awake with severe back pain or an ear infection or stomach pains that run me to the bathroom every hour.

I also don't understand why I have a whole six foot couch and my dog decided he has to sit on the very same cushion I am sitting on.

Why do I have a queen size bed and does my dog still try to sleep between my legs or constantly pressed up against me. I know for a fact I'm not the warmest one in the bed and I don't even lay still the longest.

He is so weird!

But he's so cute!

Well I have a list of things to do....including make a list. at the top of it is rudely awaken my husband because Misery loves company and he's officially slept longer than me.