Inner Turmoil

I find emotions hard to nail down right now. I mean I can tell you what emotions I'm feeling but I couldn't nail down which one I feel stronger. Like the feeling to be happy for someone or angry at their luck. I am happy for this person but I'm also upset because they are getting what I busted my butt to get just to have it slip away from me all the while they are effortlessly being granted every wish. I'm not comparing my wishes tho their wishes either. Like I want a new car and they want a new dress. No I mean equal wishes. A car for a car. A pair of shoes for a pair of shoes. I think I just got a really freakin lazy fairy godmother. I would ask to trade it in but I see it's pointless now. Is it horrible that I feel that way? ...No because I don't feel that way. I see it that way but my feelings are hurt and they don't want to even accommodate the thought that this is it and it's all I'm ever going to get. So if you read this, don't pray that I get what I want I'm going after that myself, pray that I find an inner peace and happiness that I can pull to the surface and use to be the person I need to be in these situations.