I Wait For No Man

I can sit here at 4:32am on Valentine's Day and say that 5 years ago I would have said that I would never be a military wife because I will not sit around and wait for a man that's always gone. I can sit here and say that because it's true.

I never in my 20 years thought that I would be the type of girl to not only wait for a man, but to have it on my daily list of things to-do to get by.

I have never waited for a man.
I didn't sit by the phone and await a call, I lived my life.
I didn't wait for them to get their act together, I moved on. 
I didn't wait for them to grow up, I did a little more maturing myself and said goodbye.

It never crossed my mind that this 6'7" brown hair, blue eyed boy (term used incredibly loosely, he is most definitely a man in my eyes) would steal my heart away and have me waiting for years. He kept me waiting too.

I waited for his texts in the morning.
I waited for his texts every minute.
I waited for his lunch breaks.
I waited to until the store died down so I could walk up to it and see him.
I waited for him to get off work every night so we could spend a couple of hours together.
I waited for him to shower and change clothes and pick me up.

But the waiting got longer after that.


I waited 6 months for him to ask me out.
I waited 9 months for him to say he loved me.
I waited for 2 months just to be able to see his face.
I waited weeks at a time just to hear his voice.
I waited for the mailman everyday in hopes of a letter written in his almost illegible scrawl.
I waited anxiously at the airport every time just to run and hug him.
I waited 10 months for him to ask me to marry him.
I waited 10+ hours while he drove up to see me for one day to turn around and drive back.
I waited a year until we could be together.

I sit at home almost everyday and wait for him to come home.
Just so I can tell him I love him before he goes to sleep.

We've been married for 1 year, 1 month and 14 days and I can't see myself waiting for anyone else.

He tests my patience, he tests my love, he tests my friendship, and he tests my strength.
I strive to pass everyday.

He is one of the best husbands a woman could ask for. I am extremely lucky to have him because I didn't even ask for him. I wasn't even looking him. He was standing on the side lines telling me how a woman should be treated.

How I should be treated.

So when that wasn't sufficient he jumped in and showed me and it's been all uphill from there.

I can't say downhill because that's bad or easy. It hasn't been easy.
I can't say smooth sailing because I am definitely one to rock the boat and we have hit some rough waters.

Uphill is befitting. We are moving toward a high goal and though it's been hard and we've had to push we are still moving in that same direction. The direction we started in.

So though I was never one to wait...
Things change.
People change.
I changed.
I realized that this man was worth the wait and no other was.

Of All to Come

So I arrived back at my own home today after a week of vacation. I have so much to document. My anniversary was Friday and we went to Universal for three days. But spent a week in Orlando, FL and even got to visit the Wizarding World of Harry Potter.

I'm going to recover tonight from all the walking and pushing and unpack and upload pictures and love on the puppy but I hope to post pictures soon.

you know it's a good vacation when you have to recuperate.

Don't ever vacation on the holidays. Unless you REALLY like people!

Because that's the kinda girl I am

Feng shui is a hard art to master.

My husband just rearranged my living room for the 2nd time in a month...if even that much. I think we rearranged it right before Thanksgiving =]

But he did it willingly because he loves me and I made him...because...well...revert to the title.

So I've thought about starting "Project 365" at the beginning of 2011. Post a picture everyday and write a post. That'll be right after my exercising and therapy sessions for cynicism and jadism.(Jadism is not a word by the way)

I don't know if I'm happy about the living room now even. I think I've outgrown an apartment. At least this ridiculously laid out one. If I could knock out a couple walls it wouldn't be so bad. I need to post some pictures once I get it decorated for Christmas I will.

This is a very short post but I am going to spend time with my husband decorating and watching Christmas movies. Maybe settle in with some hot chocolate. Sounds like a plan.

I'll be back real soon.

But not tonight. So don't wait around...

As it has been forever...

I figured it was past due for a post even though I don't have deadlines like some of you do.

That is just so restricting. In all honestly this is the 3rd post I have started in the past couple of weeks. Well 4th if you count the one I started on vacation but I don't actually remember posting that one. But I know I posted a couple weeks ago. I just don't know what to blog about.

So right now we are smack in the middle of two major US holidays. Holidays were not created for people in the military. My husband worked 80 hours in 5 days starting with Thanksgiving when he was supposed to be home entertaining all the people I didn't know. Which was 8 of 10 people at my house. Thanksgiving = awkward. I only saw my husband 10 hours in almost week. He was back at work yesterday after only 1 day off.

If I've never mentioned it before I'll mention it now. I hate being alone all the time. I mean when I lived at home there was always someone around but now I spend all day with a napping dog, Jessica Fletcher and the residents of Cabot Cove, and the ominous noises outside my windows that I probably make up half the time.

Ominous might a little strong of an adjective but you can't take that from me right now.

But about the holidays...I spent four days cooking for Thanksgiving and I'm going to have to spend all 25 days preparing for Christmas seeing as I've kind of been a Scrooge. I mean I put the tree up but I have definitely been procrastinating on decorating it.

It's really hard for me not to be a scrooge. I've sat at home every holiday and birthday (his and mine), alone. That's not enjoyable and other people enjoy their time but I don't get to. Which is what upsets me. When people tell me that I shouldn't be so gloomy or I should be glad that he comes home every night. Do they not understand that when he comes home it's 5 in the morning and we got to bed and sleep for 8-10 hours and then we get up and he has to be at work at 3pm. I am happy that he isn't deployed, trust me,I'm thrilled but it's hard to find delight in that fact when he is 15 mins down the road staring at a wall. No exaggeration there. Maybe a generalized one. Sometimes....he stares at water. Woo

So my New Year's resolution is going to be to get 30 minutes of serious movement in a day and to not be so cynical and jaded. But I don't even have confidence that I can achieve the latter.

I wish I had something funny and witty to say but in all honestly other people fuel my ability to be witty. Usually. They are my muse.

No.

Stupidity is my muse.

This is the end.

Inner Turmoil

I find emotions hard to nail down right now. I mean I can tell you what emotions I'm feeling but I couldn't nail down which one I feel stronger. Like the feeling to be happy for someone or angry at their luck. I am happy for this person but I'm also upset because they are getting what I busted my butt to get just to have it slip away from me all the while they are effortlessly being granted every wish. I'm not comparing my wishes tho their wishes either. Like I want a new car and they want a new dress. No I mean equal wishes. A car for a car. A pair of shoes for a pair of shoes. I think I just got a really freakin lazy fairy godmother. I would ask to trade it in but I see it's pointless now. Is it horrible that I feel that way? ...No because I don't feel that way. I see it that way but my feelings are hurt and they don't want to even accommodate the thought that this is it and it's all I'm ever going to get. So if you read this, don't pray that I get what I want I'm going after that myself, pray that I find an inner peace and happiness that I can pull to the surface and use to be the person I need to be in these situations. 

Because being "fair" is only a skin tone now.

I would say I haven't blogged because I haven't had time. But we all know that would be a lie.

Why is it that when you get stuff put together something comes along and messes it up? I don't really need the question answered. I already know the answer. It's not a question I like answering.

More like it's not the question I mind answering...it's the answer I know is right and I would be more mature to answer it honestly. But being mature and adult like is so...unfair sometimes.

Like when you go on vacation and you either don't have a good time or you have a fabulous time and then when you get home things with work and bills and the house are messed up to the nth power.

Vacation- that was a time I was both looking forward to and at the same time not. Spastic Sarcastic is an appropriate title most of the time. I am very sarcastic and often spastic with my sarcasm. I also am not one to hold my tongue. If I think someone needs to hear something I'm going to be the one to tell them. I've realized over the years that it isn't always the best idea so I've tried harder to hold my tongue. Most of the time it works. Other times I just trick my brain by telling Person B what I would really like to tell Person A and then after I say it all and step back I realize it was better that I didn't say it to Person A in the first place. Although I still think they need to hear it.

Most people don't care about your opinion. Like they say "80% of people don't care about your problems and the other 20% are just glad you have them"

I've noticed these past few months that have of my life mottos are very pessimistic.

"If it wasn't this, it would be something else."
It's fabulous outlook to have on life....don't you think?

For instance, right now I'm wide awake on two hours of sleep after I sat up until 5 in the morning to go to bed with my husband and he is laying in bed sleeping soundly and I've been up for 4 hours watching House!

Don't get me wrong I love House. I would also rather be insomniatic than left awake with severe back pain or an ear infection or stomach pains that run me to the bathroom every hour.

I also don't understand why I have a whole six foot couch and my dog decided he has to sit on the very same cushion I am sitting on.

Why do I have a queen size bed and does my dog still try to sleep between my legs or constantly pressed up against me. I know for a fact I'm not the warmest one in the bed and I don't even lay still the longest.

He is so weird!

But he's so cute!

Well I have a list of things to do....including make a list. at the top of it is rudely awaken my husband because Misery loves company and he's officially slept longer than me.

Hello? Is There Anybody In There?

Just smile if you can hear me
Ok good.

I see that I haven't posted in awhile. But an uneventful life makes for an uneventful blog.
I can't get my flash to work so I haven't been taking as many pictures. 

I did however make these pleasing to the eye and the palette strawberry shortcakes.
Don't those just look so yummy? My OCD makes them that way...that and the strawberries were perfectly ripe!

Am I right?

I don't take a lot of pictures because I don't have subjects really. I have a dog and you can only take so many pictures of him. I will however admit that he gets cuter each time I snap one though.

I did do a photoshoot with my sisters when  was back home. Which was a blast! I got some good shots too.
You want me to share them with you?

I don't know my schedule is so packed!
What do you talking about uneventful life = uneventful blog?

Fine...I'll show you

I love how summer-y this picture feels...

This is my favorite all time picture of Ariel of all time....

The picture of me and Ariel...yes I'm in this picture too...
Don't you just love how I lined up my lens with her pupil?

Well I don't care if you do...I do...

I felt bad after I took this picture. A dog had scared her and I was snapping pictures instead of comforting her...I'm a bad sister...but I'm an artist and after being locked away from civilization for 5 months I was fueled by this emotion....

I miss having people to take pictures of...the hubs doesn't do photoshoots...I don't either anymore

That's something new. My recent tests for my thyroid. I just finished up an ultrasound today. I didn't hear anything though. I'm sure (hopefully) I'll hear something later this week. Until then I've kept my mind busy with other things since I'm not allowed to stress anymore.

Did you know that was bad for you? I mean my mother told me it was bad for her but seriously I'm invincible...

As if

I've recently gotten addicted to this new show called Pretty Little Liars. Addicted not obsessed...so I bought the books. I figured it would give me something to do while the show isn't on.

 I got them three days ago and I'm on book 3. I hate teenage drama but this stuff is backstabbing good.

Plus it's in a book got going down in my front yard or at the fairgrounds.

Do you ever catch yourself reading or watching something and gasp when something happens?
See I get so caught up in it that my brain doesn't register that I formulated the exact turnout 15 mins ago. I just blame it on the music or the authors ability to write. Good job.

That's why I think that The Twilight Saga is a good series but that the movies are stupid. It's how it's written not that I'm in love with Edward and want to marry him. I'm cold enough on my own I don't need to snuggle up next to a vampire at night. I don't like people watching me sleep so that would bug me seeing as he is permanently awake and stuff.

Eerie much?

Well I pretty much have writer's block...

I know that for this to be a proper entry I need to have a closing statement but this isn't English class...


As if

Oh! Where Is My Hairbrush?

No...

Seriously...

Where is it?

Oh wait...I just found it.

I really had lost it though. I just looked to my left and there it was. Laying on my living room end table. That's not where it goes. Must be why I lost it.

So do you remember when I was all excited because I didn't have house guests and I was finally alone and didn't have to entertain?
Come on seriously? That was my last post! How soon you all forget.
Well let me refresh your memory.
I was all excited because I didn't have house guests and I was finally alone and didn't have to entertain.

Remember now? Hehe I thought so...
Well now that I'm home from, well, for lack of a better word...home and my friend has gone back home. To her home not my other home. I was alone for a couple days and then one of my husband's friends came to stay. So we have another house guest!
I'm sorry I'm not that excited about it. Let me try that again

*clears throat* So we have another house guest...
Anyways it was always my understanding that men like to eat. They like to eat home cooked meals. Men sometimes need women to cook home cooked meals. That's what I'm known for here. My cookies, cakes, pies, casseroles. You name it I make it.

Guys come over here and expect me to cook. But our present houseguest buys microwaveable food at the store emerges from the guest room to heat it up and then goes back and locks himself in his room all day.

I know I complained about having to entertain for 2 weeks but I really don't like it when people don't need me. Of course I understand this man has lived alone for 2 years and isn't used to people caring for him but for real if you ever stay in my house. Let me take care of you. Don't demand it or expect it. BUT LET ME DO IT!


My husband needs me or he does a really good job of pretending. No he doesn't need me he is perfectly capable of taking care of himself but he makes me feel needed. His friends eat my food and tell me it's yummy and to make it again. Still feeling needed.

But this man is so self reliant I feel I could lock myself in my room and he wouldn't say a word!

On a side note my dog's breath smells like pretzels and with paws scented like Fritos. I should have called him snack time.

My puppy needs me. To feed him and bathe him and take him to the vet and put him to bed and teach him to sit up on his hind legs and go potty outside and to buy him stupid squeaky duck toys that terrify him. I'm that kind of needed.

Well if I'm not needed here then I will go and take a bubble bath and listen to Ke$ha and read my book and look at catalogs...because I need to do that.